So Very Long Ago

When I dreamed of becoming a mom ages ago (it's frightening to stop and really consider HOW long ago), I knew God was calling me to homeschool them one day. I had several homeschooled friends, and I was so impressed with how much they loved the Lord and the character qualities they each possessed. No, I don't have my head in the sand. I do realize that this is not true of ALL homeschoolers, but it was true for the ones I knew. And over time I grew to believe that was my calling for my kids...if I ever had kids. I wanted to raise them to be godly, loving men and women. Even if they went their own way, choosing not to follow that path, I wanted to give them every possible opportunity to know and love the Lord.

Later on in college, I discussed this exact calling with the man who would eventually become my husband. I don't think he fully understood why I felt so strongly about it, but he grew to appreciate my feelings on it, I think, once we began our journey into parenthood. He understood it better, anyway.

On the first day of Kindergarten with my oldest, I watched as all of my neighbors drove their kids off to school, and I wondered if I had made a mistake. I honestly was terrified. Am I denying her the best education she could have? Even having a credential didn't boost my confidence in this. Am I doing the right thing? Will she ever learn to read? Will she be scarred for life because of my bad decision? That first year was tough. Abby is the sweetest, dearest, gentlest child until you sit her in a chair and tell her she is going to have to learn something. We fought. Getting to the table was the hardest battle. I don't remember tears, at least not from her, but I do remember how she bucked me every single day. She wasn't ready to learn, but I didn't give her a choice. It was exhausting. She's going into ninth grade next year, and I'd like to say everything's changed, but...she's still not ready to learn. And it's still exhausting. Lol. It's not the exact battle that it used to be, but it's a challenge. It's not the same with my other two, but they have their own challenges too. I pray every day that I can bring knowledge to Abby on a plate so delectable, she will have to pry herself away. I love to see her burning through novels the size of War and Peace...well, almost. She's definitely caught the reading bug, so there's that.

As I homeschool all three of my kiddos again this year, I find I'm really enjoying it. It has its rough patches, I'm not going to romanticize it. It doesn't come without a price, and my sanity is almost worth it. :) All three of my kids are my joys and my calling, and spending every day with them is priceless, and honestly, when I'm not homeschooling, I feel lost. It has become my purpose...until God gives me the next purpose.  And what joy to be fulfilling a dream and a calling I was given so very long ago...