Changing

I am changing, and for me change is almost always good. I welcome it. I am the type that loves rearranging her living room furniture, just for the change. I love to throw things away, just for the change. If I could, I'd move to a new place (even a new state) every other year, just for the change. So for me, myself, to be changing is good. I know there is such a thing as bad change, but as long as the end comes out good, it's all good. This kind of sounds like a broken record: good, change, change, good.

To get to the point: Being a mother is changing me. I can feel it more and more, day by day. I am losing the part of me that held on selfishly to "me"-things. I'm giving all (and then some) of myself each and every day, especially now that I'm adding home-schooling to the chaotic mix, and I'm learning how to do it with grace and, surprisingly, joy. I make a meal where I don't get to eat. Why? Because I'm feeding the little one or because I'm trying to watch my calorie intake when my kids need to eat. When starting dinner, I stand at the edge of the table for a few minutes after the blessing, just to see who needs what, what I haven't brought to the table, or to see if I missed someone's milk cup. I serve myself last. I'm taking shifts with each of the kids between naps (because naps rarely line up anymore) playing, reading, rolling around on the floor. I'm spending all-nighters with stomach bugs, next to my kids' sides, almost relishing the prize and priviledge of being able to be there in those wee-hours, to be their mom, knowing that they will probably look back on this night and remember I love them. I leave a gathering, letting my husband stay with the older two, because I've got to get my baby down for his nap. I spend my afternoon "free-time," when the two younger kids are napping, playing a game with my oldest. And the amazing thing is, it's good. I like this new role because it's slowly removing some of the selfishness (not all) in me, and it's teaching me how to serve. And the less of "me" that's in here, the more of a servant I become, the more like Christ I am, and that's what brings the joy.