Dark Road

I've walked down a pretty dark road this week. It was overhung with the looming branches of doubt. I felt led to pray for something. I thought I could hear the Spirit leading me down a road I've never gone. A road on the fringes of faith. A road not many people travel. But my faith saw no bounds in God's infinite power. I climbed up into His arms and believed for one. huge. miracle. I obeyed that inner voice.

And then . . . nothing happened. What I prayed for did not come about. I was left floundering in waves of doubt. Only moments before I was marching with hammer-toed boots of faith, and now I was drowning in a sea of unanswered questions.

Why did I feel prompted to pray for this? If we have mustard-seed faith, we can ask for whatever, and He will do it. Did I not have the faith -- not even as big as a mustard seed? Aren't we supposed to be able to move mountains? Am I even a child of God?

Big questions came with big tears. I had come to the prayer with adrenaline and action, and I walked away with a broken spirit and my tail between my legs. I don't think I've ever crossed quite this exact road in my Christian walk, and so for that reason alone, it has been good for me.

Sometimes, I think, God calls us to do something just to see if we will do it, just like when He asked Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac. He wanted to measure Abraham's faith by testing his obedience. He passed the test. I wonder if he felt shaken up a bit afterward? I'm sure he was, no doubt, relieved that his son was alive, but did he have questions for this faith-testing God he served?

I know I did.