Motherdom

When I became pregnant with my first child six years ago, I made a decision, before I really knew what I was doing, that when I had kids, I would stay at home with them. I would be my kids' mom, as Dr. Laura says. I leaped off of a steep high-dive without knowing how high up I really was, nor how deep the water below. But the decision was simple then. I made it when I wasn't holding any screaming babies in my arms or sending Little Miss Tantrum to time-out or knee deep in what we call a blow-out. Life was going to be blissful in motherdom. I had delusions of grandeur, which included the idea of having, at minimum, four well-behaved, loyal, respectful subjects, lovingly referred to as my kids; they would never disobey; would be reading by three; model citizens from birth.

Yeah. Like I said, that was before I even had one.

I've grown up a lot after having three kids. I don't judge other moms anymore. Much. I know what kids look like. All kids. Once you've seen one, you've seen basically all. That's painted with a really broad brush, I know, but understanding my own kids has helped me understand why other kids act the way the do. I found that it is really hard to control them. Even your own. I'm still trying, and I'm amazed at how clever you really have to be. It's not as simple as it seems.

But the one decision I made so long ago is the one thing that I don't regret in all of this. I'm glad I gave up a 5-figure, permanent-contract teaching position and never looked back. Because if I had, there have been many times when I know I would have been easily tempted to run back. I still have moments. But also, on the flip side, I never had to face the battle of leaving even one of these precious little faces every morning.

As hard as this can be at times, I know there is no way I could find the inner fortitude for that.